Figuring It Out
by somuchdramz
Summary: Dee's sick of being a nobody, so she decides to blackmail Sirius and Lily into making her popular. Chaos ensues. "Now that you've thoroughly intruded and also blackmailed us...are you planning to sod off, or what?" Marauder era.
1. Just a smoke

Lily took a drag on her cigarette and slowly exhaled, the smoke swirling lazily in the moonlight. She was leaning against the stone window frame, her auburn hair cast into shades of silver and gray.

I coughed. "Um...hi?" I said awkwardly.

Mellowed by the smoke, she glanced toward me, her expression languid. "Oh. Hey, Dee. What are you doing here?"

I hesitated, then shrugged. "Just trying to find someplace to think."

"Mmmm." She sighed and leaned her head back against the wall. "Me too." She glanced over at me again, then held out a pack of cigarettes. "Smoke?"

"Um, sure." I took a step forward, then hesitated. "You're not going to bust me for it though, are you?" I smiled. "Y'know, what with the whole 'head girl' thing..."

She laughed. "I wasn't planning on it, no."

I nodded, took a cigarette and lit it with the tip of my wand. I'd only smoked once before but figured that I might as well try to play it cool. I took an experimental drag, coughed, and attempted to lean casually against the wall.

Lily, meanwhile, was gazing back out over the moonlit landscape. She sighed abruptly. "I don't know what to do," she confessed.

"Um." I coughed again, took another drag, coughed. As my mind grew abruptly clear and unconcerned, it occurred to me that these cigarettes might contain more than just tobacco.

Lily was still gazing plaintively out the window. "It's just...everyone keeps acting like of _course_ I should just date him, but it's all so sexist and patronizing. What, he's entitled to me just because he's been saying so for the last 3 years?"

I squinted at my cigarette. "What's in these?"

She shrugged. "No idea. Confiscated them from a fourth year."

"Ah."

She glanced over at me. "And what are you here to mull over?"

"Er..." I hesitated. Truth be told, I was here to contemplate the lonely misery of my existence, my jealously over people like Lily - the haves, as it were - seeming to effortlessly glide through teenage social dynamics without a care in the world. I had intended to write a moody diary entry about how I wished someone would notice me, wished I had a boyfriend, wished I had the confidence to have a boyfriend, wished I were confident. It seemed a little gauche to admit it just now, though.

"How do you do it?" I asked instead.

She looked confused. "Do what?"

I gestured pointedly through the clouds of fragrant, moonlit smoke. "Be so confident all the time! Even when you're being neurotic and emotional, everyone still fawns over you. I just wish... I wish I knew how to do it."

She seemed to blush, though in the dim light it was hard to say for sure. Then she shrugged. "I'm not really confident about anything except my convictions. And lately they've all been shaken, so now I don't even have that."

I didn't really understand, but nodded anyway. "Shaken how?"

She sighed. "Well, if you must know, I kind of kissed Potter."

Despite myself, my eyes widened. "You did?" If nothing else, this was at least top-notch fodder for gossip. Maybe I could parlay it into getting someone to hang out with me. I needed more details. "When?"

She chuckled humorlessly. "Yesterday. We were patrolling the corridors and he was making a joke of everything, as usual, and then we thought we heard something in one of those side passageways and so I said we should go investigate and then he was right behind me in this tiny space and then he touched my hair and I turned around to tell him off and he put his finger to my lips and then stared down at me - he's really quite tall up close, did you know that? - and then sort of cautiously leaned in and I didn't stop him - _I didn't stop him!_ \- and then before I knew it he gave me this sort of questioning initial kiss and I couldn't help it, I kissed him back, and then before I knew it we were sort of snogging in this passageway, and _then_..."

She buried her face in her hands as I stared at her, wide-eyed. I coughed. "Er...and then?"

She gave a long, plaintive sigh, stubbed out her cigarette, lit another, and looked at me resignedly.

"Then Severus saw us."


	2. A spot of gossip

"She did _what_?" Sirius Black stared at me, gray eyes narrowed, dark hair effortlessly tousled.

"I just told you," I gushed excitedly. "She kissed James." My excitement wasn't even feigned; I was delighted that Sirius Black was talking to me, leaning across the Three Broomsticks table to be sure he got every word.

Sirius brushed that aside with a wave of his hand. "I know _that_. I meant the Snape part. Tell me again."

I felt slightly taken aback. "Er...well, she said that he said -"

 _"Having fun, Evans?"_

 _Severus was sneering. He was white as a sheet, light-headed, shaking slightly with suppressed rage._

 _"Oh, butt out, Snape, and go find a different corridor to haunt," James replied jocularly. He put a possessive arm around Lily, who was staring at Snape in - was it shame, or horror?_

 _James turned back to her and squeezed her shoulder casually. "Shall we write him up for snooping, Evans? Out of the dormitories after hours, what gall..."_

 _Lily seemed to be frozen. She and Snape stared at each other, as if neither knew what to say or do next. After another awkward moment, James realized he wasn't sure what to do either. He was furious at Snape for ruining the moment, but had also spent a lot of effort over the past year attempting to minimize his Snape-directed antagonism lest Lily hold it against him. He had to be careful not to escalate things any more than necessary._

 _Then Snape's eyes narrowed. "Your secret is safe with me, Evans," he whispered. He turned abruptly and stalked off down the corridor._

 _Lily seemed to finally breathe. James raised a hand to her face and brushed a strand of auburn hair behind her right ear. "What do you say we resume where we left off, then, eh?" he murmured, leaning toward her._

 _But Lily shook her head. "I can't...I...I need to go think." She bit her lip nervously. James was so close to her, he could count every faint freckle on her fair cheeks. She smelled like lavender and lemongrass and, very faintly, of cigarettes. His trousers felt tight._

 _He'd waited so many years for this moment, but he took a deep breath and a step back. He could wait a little longer._

Sirius let out a long sigh. "So he just said, 'Your secret is safe with me?'"

I frowned. "Who, Snape?"

Sirius nodded, leaning toward me intently. "Yes. Just, `your secret is safe with me' - nothing else?"

I was confused. "Um, yes. Or at least, that's what Lily told me."

Sirius seemed to sigh. Then he gave a slight grin. "Great. Thanks for the scoop, Dee."

I blushed. "Um. Any time." I took another sip of my butterbeer as Sirius finished his with a swig. I glanced around discretely to see if anyone had noticed us. If I was really lucky, maybe they'd think we were on a date.

"Anyway," Sirius said, standing up abruptly and pushing in his chair, "I need to get going. Supposed to meet up with some friends. See you around."

"Oh." I tried not to look too disappointed. "Um, okay. Have fun."

He brought two finger to his forehead and tipped an invisible hat, then turned and strolled comfortably toward the door. On his way out he blew a kiss to a bevy of girls seated near the window, who all giggled and waved back.

I gave a long sigh, took another sip of butterbeer, and leaned under the table to extract my diary from my satchel. It was trapped toward the bottom, impeded by a textbook and extra sweater.

When I finally succeeded in extracting it and sat back up, Severus Snape was sitting across the table, staring at me.


	3. Helpful tips

"Um...hi?" I said awkwardly. I'd never really spoken to him before.

He regarded me cooly, his lank hair shading his sallow skin, he eyes bright, intelligent, scheming, fathomless.

I tried again. "Er...can I help you?"

He opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again.

I began to grow annoyed. "Well, feel free to sit there if you must. But I have to go meet my... er, friends, now."

I made a motion as if to stand, and he chuckled. "Oh, please. We both know you don't have any friends."

I felt my cheeks grow hot and my eyes tear up. We both knew it, but it still hurt to hear.

I sniffed. "Well, at least my friends aren't all jerks and bullies!"

He gave a hint of a smile, though it didn't reach his eyes. "You poor girl," he observed.

As I made a move as if to leave again, he finally cut to the chase. "I want to request a favor."

I froze. "Oh?"

He nodded, then seemed to digress. "I notice you can't be trusted to keep your mouth shut. I don't know what Evans was thinking, telling you anything."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, spare me your self-righteousness."

He raise an eyebrow. "I mean, is it really any wonder you haven't got any friends?"

Despite my best efforts, one angry tear slipped out. "Well, what am I _supposed_ to do?" I demanded. I realized with a jolt of horror that I was on the verge of becoming hysterical, and fought to calm my voice. "Everybody's already so set in their stupid cliques and they all just ignore me. It's not my fault I'm not pretty or witty or brave or... they could still just be _nice_ to me!"

He raised his eyebrow again, skeptically this time. "I can't say I've ever seen anybody be mean to you."

I scowled. "Well, maybe not mean, but... they exclude me. I never get invited to any of their stupid parties. They never ask me to Hogsmeade. They just...they don't like me."

Snape smiled again, somewhat mockingly. "Oh, poor you, being the one person Potter and Black and their ridiculous cronies don't like," he drawled sarcastically. "I wonder what that's like?"

I blushed. "Well...you're at least in Slytherin! _I_ stupidly demanded that the hat put me in Gryffindor even though it _knew_ I'd be better off in Hufflepuff. And maybe if I'd been a year older, I could have been friends with Lily Evans instead of just being stuck with a bunch of fawning, Marauder-obsessed ditzes for roommates!"

He sniffed disdainfully. "I assume if you _were_ real friends with Evans, you wouldn't go around blabbing behind her back to Black?"

I groaned in exasperation. "Oh, come on, he already knew about her snogging Potter! I just wanted him to think that Lily and I were sort of friends, so that maybe..." I trailed off, not wanting to say what I'd really hoped: that maybe him thinking it would make it true.

Snape narrowed his eyes at me. "You really have no idea what's going on, do you?"

I squinted back at him. "What do you mean?"

He seemed to be considering his words carefully. Then he said, "Look, Dee...can I call you Dee? I want you to do me a favor. I'm only going to say this once, so pay attention: Library. Saturday afternoons, during Gryffindor Quidditch practice. Restricted Section."

I raised an eyebrow at that. "How am I supposed to get into the -"

"Oh, figure it out." He looked at me disdainfully. "Anyway. Go there today. Keep a look out. I think...well, I think what you see may be useful to both of us."

I gulped. "Um...okay?" I glanced at my watch. "That's in...three hours?"

He stood up to go, nodding. "Just...try not to be seen until the, shall we say, _opportune_ _moment_." He paused, sweeping his eyes over me for the first time - wire frame glasses, lank brown hair with that one sorry streak of purple (whatever had I been thinking?), sad blue eyes, subtle acne. "And I should mention, Dee" - and here he brought a hand to his own greasy-looking hair, which he tucked behind one ear - "I bet one well-brewed potion would pretty much clean you right up."

And on that note, he turned on his heel and strode away.

* * *

 _A/N: Thanks to those of you who've been following along! Review if you get a chance, why dontcha? :)_


	4. Restricted

As I made my way back up to the school, I stared at each cluster of passing students, half hating them all for having friends when I was all alone.

"Hey, Dee!" a voice called. Turning to look, I saw that the voice had come from my roommate Mona. She was sitting on a bench with Aisling, another roommate. Both could be charitably described as Marauder-obsessed. Mona was an incessantly cheerful brunette and wannabe jock. Aisling was into poetry. I found them both baffling.

"Oh. Hi." I walked toward them, wondering why they could possibly want to interact with me outside of our dorm.

"I saw you talking to Sirius Black," Mona observed. She raised her eyebrows quizzically. "Since when do you talk to Sirius Black?"

"Oh!" I blushed. "Um...we were just hanging out. You know...as friends."

Aisling sniffed slightly in suppressed skepticism, but said nothing.

"Weird," Mona remarked. "I'd never seen him talk to you before."

I shrugged. "Well, you can't have been watching him for _every_ second of _every_ day, now can you?"

Aisling couldn't help but laugh. "She has a fair point, M."

Now, Mona sniffed. "Well, invite us along next time, won't you?" She pouted, and turned to Aisling, signaling my dismal. "I really thought, after that party last weekend..."

I grimaced awkwardly. Yet another Marauder party for which I had not garnered an invitation. "Er...well, see you around."

Not waiting for them to respond, I turned on my heel and continued up to the castle.

* * *

The library was deserted when I arrived. I found a table in a corner, mostly obscured by bookshelves, and pulled out my diary to write while I waited.

 _Saturday afternoon_ , I wrote. _Currently waiting in library on a mysterious tip from SS. Not sure what I'm waiting for. Hopefully something either useful or interesting?_

At length, I glanced at my watch and concluded that Gryffindor Quidditch practice must surely have started by now. I closed my diary, tucked it back in my bag, and walked carefully through the aisles toward the restricted section at the back of the library. As I grew nearer, I thought I could hear movement and murmuring. I turned a final corner, and paused.

There were definitely people in the restricted section. More than one, by the sounds of it. I drew nearer, and carefully removed a large book from an intervening shelf so as to peer through the gap. Then, realizing there were still two shelves between me and the voices, I replaced the book and crept closer.

They were less than five feet away from me now, just beyond this last shelf. The sounds were more clear - shuffling, giggling, slight moaning. I removed another book, trying to once again create a peep hole, but could not see anything.

 _Oh, to hell with it_ , I thought, stepping out from behind the shelf.

My sudden appearance 5 feet from the erstwhile oblivious voices did not go unnoticed. "What the..." gasped one voice - a girl's, and one I recognized.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," said the other, whirling around.

I stared disbelievingly at Sirius Black - shirt unbuttoned to the waist, dark hair tousled, grey eyes flashing - and Lily Evans - lipstick smeared, face red, and shirt missing entirely.

* * *

 _A/N: review, if ya please! :)_


	5. Blackmail

"Dee, what are you _doing_ here?" Lily was bright red and seemed on the verge of panic, hastily fumbling for and buttoning her shirt.

Sirius looked less concerned. He leaned back against a bookcase to survey me, shirt still unbuttoned, his expression mildly amused.

"I...err...was looking for a book, and thought I heard something," I lied. Perhaps they wouldn't get too angry at me if I could convince them this was an accident. My mind was awash with possibilities... I'd never blackmailed anyone, but damned if this wasn't the closest opportunity I'd ever had!

"Dee...you can't tell anyone." Lily had managed to close her shirt and had moved closer, her green eyes searching mine, imploring.

I wasn't sure what to say to that, so decided to raise a noncommittal eyebrow.

"No one will believe you, anyway," Sirius added. "I mean" - and here he glanced away from me for a moment, and gestured to Lily - "nobody will believe you over us."

I met his gaze head on. "Are you so sure about that?" I took a breath to steady myself. After all, Severus Snape seemed to know about this too. It couldn't be such a secret.

Lily glanced nervously at Sirius, who was still steadfastly refusing to look concerned, though I sensed his resolve might soon break.

I cleared my throat. "I mean... are you willing to risk that?"

Lily glared at me. "What's your problem, Dee? Jesus. I thought we were friends."

Despite myself, I felt a swooping sense of happiness.

Sirius was more practical. "What do you want, Dee?"

I took another breath, now feeling myself become slightly giddy. _What did I want_. I wanted what they had. I wanted popularity, notoriety, fame. "I want to be popular," I said, slowly and clearly. "I want to hang out with your group and be your friend and be included in... in everything."

Lily winced slightly. Sirius, for once, looked fairly taken aback. "You sure you wouldn't rather have... I dunno, some money or something?" he said. He relaxed his face a bit, smiling. "You must know I'm extremely wealthy."

I frowned. "I thought your parents disowned you."

The smiled died on his face. He and Lily glanced at one other again, some unspoken message conveyed. "Didn't think that was such common knowledge," he observed, voice even. "But it doesn't matter... so, you say you won't go blabbing about this if we... what, invite you to parties for a bit? Doesn't that just increase the chance that you get the urge to blab to other people, like you blabbed to me earlier about Lily snogging James?"

Lily frowned at me as if just remembering this. "Yes, and incidentally, what the fuck, Dee?"

In the midst of attempting to blackmail them and confronted with this recent misdeed, I couldn't help but feel slightly ashamed. I rallied to maintain my cool. "Yes, and incidentally, what the fuck are _you_ doing, Lily?" I replied carefully. "And" – I turned back to Sirius – "what the fuck are _you_ doing? I thought Potter was your best mate."

Lily and Sirius glanced at one another again, as if unsure how to proceed. Sirius cleared his throat. "Suffice to say it's rather complicated, and also rather not your business."

I raised an eyebrow again. "How about this: you invite me to all of your parties for the rest of the year, and act like we're friends when you see me in the hall, and I won't tell anyone."

Sirius smirked. "What, are you going to make an unbreakable vow?"

I frowned. "I don't know what that is, but it shouldn't be necessary...if word gets out, you can just stop inviting me, stop talking to me, go back to the way things are now...and try your chance at denial."

Lily snorted a bit, but looked resolved. "Fine. I'll _continue_ to be pleasant to you whenever I see you, just as I have been _all along_..."

Sirius glanced at Lily, then said, "Honestly Dee, you could've just come to our parties before anyway. It's not like anyone would've kicked you out."

I hesitated, considering whether or not this was true. "Fine. Whatever. But then this shouldn't be a big ask, should it? I do you both the favor of not telling anyone, and you do me the favor of formally inviting me."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Fine. But I must say, you have a rather skewed perception of how to win friends."

I hesitated again, striving to ignore him. "Er... also, are you sure nobody else knows about you two?"

Lily's eyes narrowed a bit. "Nobody who would tell."

I opened my mouth to respond, then closed it again. Did this mean she knew that Snape knew? I supposed I'd have to ask him.

"Anyway..." Sirius was glancing at his watch. "Now that you've thoroughly intruded and also blackmailed us...are you planning to sod off, or what?"

I considered my options. The most interesting would be to go find Snape again, to discuss this utterly sordid piece of gossip. I wanted to know how he knew, and what else he knew. "Um...yes, I have some work to do," I lied, slowly backing away.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at me skeptically. His shirt was still open to his waist. He was tall, chiseled, broad-shouldered for a 17-year-old. I supposed I couldn't really blame Lily for going for it.

I blushed slightly, and made to turn away.

"We're having a get-together tonight in our dormitory," he conceded, the hint of anger in his voice barely detectable under 17 years of etiquette training. "8pm. Won't you join us?"

I tried to constrain my smile. I nodded. "See you there."

* * *

 _A/N: Review, plz! :)_


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